Arch references to 1970s Thames Television talent shows
In today’s Fiver: Big Cup, an X Factor loser, and a trip to Candyfloss Land...
View ArticleThis one has Sunderland written all over it
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View ArticleJürgen Klopp’s Liverpool remind English football what it is good at
Gegenpressing, a more evolved version of closing opponents down, is what should have developed in England had we not lost faith in our own methods...
View ArticlePhilistine opponents refusing to observe the tradition of rolling over
In today’s Fiver: the Haggis of Unpalatable Truths, Fifa-bashing and leaks...
View ArticleSearing piffle
In today’s Fiver: the Championship, Pep’s ‘mole’ and more underdogs in Brazil...
View ArticleBreaking the space-time continuum by enjoying 136% possession
In today’s Fiver: Mark Sampson, Liverpool and an over-excited PR executive...
View ArticleEric Pickles, Steve Evans, Piers Morgan, Adam Lallana and Morrissey
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View ArticleViolently spat out of the giant Uefa tombola
Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm GMT, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving...
View ArticleOne man’s love for Europe’s second most prestigious knockout competition
In today’s Fiver: the north-south letters debate rumbles on, schoolmasterly exhortations and an imminent third-tier omnishambles...
View ArticleOne thing has remained the same
In today’s Fiver: Arsène Wenger’s hair, football Einsteins and more...
View ArticleYouTube Z-listers are likely to be up in arms
In today’s Fiver: Arsenal head to Chelsea, plus gate-gate and Bondz N’Gala...
View ArticleThe mid-to-lower end of Europe’s top feeding trough
In today’s Fiver: Arsenal in the Euro Vase, a crunch game in late August, and the Fiver’s kray-zee Big Cup group predictions exposed...
View ArticleAn immortal blob of energy imparting wisdom from space
In today’s Fiver: Arsène Wenger, the great Raymond Kopa and much more...
View ArticleBetter strikers than Christian Benteke
In today’s Fiver: Liverpool, blatant dishonesty, and the suit + shorts combo...
View ArticleStanding around frowning and patting the top of their heads a lot
Today: the 893rd and final qualifying round for Big Cup, the challenge of Ligue 1 and the 12th team Robbie Keane always dreamed of playing for as a boy...
View ArticleThe cultural vandalism of picking Marouane Fellaini
In today’s Fiver: Big Cup, Big Vase, Yann M’Vila’s axe and more...
View ArticleThe hope that leads to despair when the hope is predictably extinguished in...
In today’s Fiver, the Federal Republic of Holland, the Netherlands & the Dutch, Andrei Kanchelskis and a surefire way to get sacked...
View Article99 Luftballons v We’ve Got a Feeling
In today’s Fiver: Germany v France, His humility, and fans being put firs … oh...
View ArticleFind out once and for all whether laughter is the best medicine
In today’s Fiver: Gylfi Sigurdsson’s dreams, Leo Messi’s salty tears, and more...
View ArticleRefreshing apathy and blind confidence
In today’s Fiver: Newcastle United, Alan Pardew, and John Peel on obstruction...
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