Setting off all manner of alarms and fleeing for dear life
Today: Swedish security forces, Craig Shakespeare and U2 pitching in...
View ArticleRewarded with the prize of having no place in the Aston Villa squad
In today’s Fiver: the Stanifesto, Bobby M’s wad and The Shakers...
View ArticleA wee ned with a gait that made Liam Gallagher look like Nureyev
In today’s Fiver: Rodgered, André Villas-Boas’s Big Book O’Excuses, infected pimples and Olivier Giroud’s never ending story...
View ArticleTouch, roll, pass or hoof the ball forward
In today’s Fiver: rules, Peterborough mascot Peter Burrow, and Will Grigg on fire...
View ArticlePrinting off sheets of A4 in preparation for the Premier League opener
In today’s Fiver: Philippe Coutinho, Arsenal, Danny Rose and much more...
View ArticleSipping margaritas and generally gadding about in the foamy surf
In today’s Fiver: Chelsea, personality tests, accountancy and nerds...
View ArticleA foot tantalisingly close to his cakehole
In today’s Fiver: toxic blather, Zadar bus station, and Bristol Rovers’ kitchen...
View ArticleSome evil paranormal force that bears an unfounded grudge
In today’s Fiver: ravishing thrill-machines, threats of war and the 19th century...
View ArticleA face-full of gnashing German metalfury
In today’s Fiver: Christian Benteke, Danish compassion, and Mad Food Poisoning...
View ArticleImplementing a two-for-one discount across his agricultural-produce range
In today’s Fiver: Dr Arsène, tiny coffees and getting knacked while celebrating...
View ArticleStuff emanating from Fifa HQ
Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm BST, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving...
View ArticleThe best and worst of Mourinho
Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm BST, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving...
View ArticleThe ice-cold tomb of an existential crisis
In today’s Fiver: David Moyes gets the old Merseybeat band back together...
View ArticleFootball transfer rumours: Mario Götze to Liverpool? N'Golo Kanté to Arsenal?
Today’s fluff is in a forgiving mood...
View ArticleTurning a World Cup into something resembling the 1970s NASL
In today’s Fiver: Sepp Blatter, Jürgen Klopp’s phone farrago and a stadium named Wanda...
View ArticleIf only Patrick Vieira hadn’t selected power drive
In today’s Fiver: Big Vase, underpants, Carlos Tevez and a misty-eyed trip back to the glory days of January 2007...
View ArticleTaking note of which way the wind is blowing and acting accordingly for an...
In today’s Fiver: furiously booting each other in the swingers, Karim Benzema reacts well and bumper letters section in ‘praise’ of Arsenal...
View ArticleCaptain Jean-Luc Picard is smack bang in the middle of most of it
In today’s Fiver: Huddersfield, Arsène Wenger and the right man at Wolves...
View ArticleLight aircraft trailing contradictory slogans managing to annoy everyone
Today: International Day of Happiness v International International Week of Unhappiness, politically populist David Moyes and more...
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