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Bears, woods, popes and pointy hats

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Will they be dancing in the streets of...

In today’s Fiver: Champagne supernova, tax-knack and Manchester City’s mind box...

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Brazenly flaunting his pins and blithely holding some paper

In today’s Fiver: Two James Milners, SpongeBob, a tribute to Stephen Keshi and #ItsColombiaNotColumbia...

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Outdone by their own laundry ladies

In today’s Fiver: club media departments, mascot excuses, and much more...

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Balance sheet bantz; and Adriano

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The Portuguese kidder’s nose growing ever longer

In today’s Fiver: Transfers galore, the inside track on the Do One Express and those damn pesky rats … getting everywhere...

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Small fry compared to Lord Ashcroft

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We wish you an evil Christmas, we wish you an evil Christmas

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A thoroughly mediocre conclusion to a similarly average tournament

In today’s Fiver: lacrimation, Big Sam and buses...

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Counting the diamonds around sinks in other people’s homes

In today’s Fiver: the Euro 2016 quarter-finals! Plus Sisqo and swimming...

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A ripping yarn to end them all

In today’s Fiver: Rafa’s back! Plus in-game urination bother and a nails ref...

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Disarming hair and a dangerous mind

In today’s Fiver: a horrible dream, Guus Hiddink’s parachute, and booze...

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Bouncing around aimlessly in a passable homage to the title sequence of The...

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'Without Cruyff, I have no team'

JOHAN CRUYFF (1947-2016)...

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Face-based foodstuff

Look! A new layout. Just for you, reader. Well, on the email version at least. If you’re reading this on the site … as you were...

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Inventing trying hard and national pride

In today’s Fiver: champion lovers, dragons, Jogi Löw and more...

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Like a wiry Wearside welder

In today’s Fiver: David Moyes, Pope Francis and Tony Xia’s deep heat...

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A kind of vicious circle that ends up with football eating its own tail

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Their unique kind of gallows hubris

In today’s Fiver: Gareth Southgate stroking his beard, Zlatan v Pep, Premier League one-appearance wonders, Ronnie Moran RIP...

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The right to brag about being the best team in London below Chelsea

In today’s Fiver: Tottenham v Arsenal, $tevie Mbe’s physicality and more...

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