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Borussia Dortmund v Liverpool: Europa League quarter-final first leg – live!

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Arsenal not after Thomas Tuchel as ‘Arsene Wenger is not leaving in the summer’

ARSENAL are not getting Thomas Tuchel to replace Arsene Wenger, according to reports. The former Borussia Dortmund boss has been linked with a move to the...

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Borussia Dortmund 1-1 Liverpool: Europa League live updates and photos

Liverpool face Borussia Dortmund at Signal Iduna Park in the Europa League. Kick off 20:05. Jurgen Klopp heads back to former club Borussia Dortmund on Thursday for the first time since leaving in May....

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An immortal blob of energy imparting wisdom from space

ARSENAL’S HIGH PRIEST When Arsène Wenger said that he’s “a specialist in masochism”, things briefly got a bit intense in The Fiver household. Granny Fiver spat her tea out in disgust before getting...

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Touch, roll, pass or hoof the ball forward

In today’s Fiver: rules, Peterborough mascot Peter Burrow, and Will Grigg on fire...

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Sipping margaritas and generally gadding about in the foamy surf

In today’s Fiver: Chelsea, personality tests, accountancy and nerds...

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The Fiver | A bloke in nets who can be relied upon to catch the ball

ALISSON WONDERLAND...

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The picturesque home of the world’s best pizza and ice cream

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Printing off sheets of A4 in preparation for the Premier League opener

In today’s Fiver: Philippe Coutinho, Arsenal, Danny Rose and much more...

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A foot tantalisingly close to his cakehole

In today’s Fiver: toxic blather, Zadar bus station, and Bristol Rovers’ kitchen...

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Arsène Wenger’s direct gamble backfires in Alexis Sánchez’s absence

Michael Cox...

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Their unique kind of gallows hubris

In today’s Fiver: Gareth Southgate stroking his beard, Zlatan v Pep, Premier League one-appearance wonders, Ronnie Moran RIP...

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Some evil paranormal force that bears an unfounded grudge

In today’s Fiver: ravishing thrill-machines, threats of war and the 19th century...

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A tooled up gang of mercenaries armed to the teeth with ukuleles

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Determining whether FH Hafnarfjardar play 4-3-3 or 4-2-3-1 | The Fiver

A FLORIAN JOZEFZOON-INSPIRED DARKPLACE...

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A face-full of gnashing German metalfury

In today’s Fiver: Christian Benteke, Danish compassion, and Mad Food Poisoning...

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An even bigger circus with far more comedy potential

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Football transfer rumours: Mario Götze to Liverpool? N'Golo Kanté to Arsenal?

Today’s fluff is in a forgiving mood...

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Implementing a two-for-one discount across his agricultural-produce range

In today’s Fiver: Dr Arsène, tiny coffees and getting knacked while celebrating...

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The ice-cold tomb of an existential crisis

In today’s Fiver: David Moyes gets the old Merseybeat band back together...

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