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One thing has remained the same

In today’s Fiver: Arsène Wenger’s hair, football Einsteins and more...

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One man’s love for Europe’s second most prestigious knockout competition

In today’s Fiver: the north-south letters debate rumbles on, schoolmasterly exhortations and an imminent third-tier omnishambles...

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YouTube Z-listers are likely to be up in arms

In today’s Fiver: Arsenal head to Chelsea, plus gate-gate and Bondz N’Gala...

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An immortal blob of energy imparting wisdom from space

In today’s Fiver: Arsène Wenger, the great Raymond Kopa and much more...

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The cultural vandalism of picking Marouane Fellaini

In today’s Fiver: Big Cup, Big Vase, Yann M’Vila’s axe and more...

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Well-coiffured and dressed in the finest Italian linens

In today’s Fiver: The Paul Pogba Transfer Saga, the Premier League’s big spenders and guaranteed five-a-side success...

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The least intimidating quartet sent into Euro action from these shores since...

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Some unspecified but no doubt bantertastic forfeit

In today’s Fiver: England’s Euros countdown, a settlement, and Dulwich Hamlet...

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Prestige earned from 117 years sold to some soap vendor

In today’s Fiver: Milanese dignity, five things Quique learned, and Bobby M...

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A series of blind alleys full of hulking tattooed Martin Skrtels

In today’s Fiver: Stalinist mobilisation, Mr Roy and more unicorn chat...

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Everything should turn out just fine

In today’s Fiver: Gareth Bale’s burger, Xherdan Shaqiri’s rubber worries and the return of Brendan Rodgers’ teeth...

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Staggeringly unfunny

In today’s Fiver: David Moyes, the order of Anfield’s coloured doors and more...

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A long overdue hoof up the hole

In today’s Fiver: Aston Villa, Dani Alves and Max Kruse’s big night out...

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Dissolving into a pool of hot tears

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Will they be dancing in the streets of...

In today’s Fiver: Champagne supernova, tax-knack and Manchester City’s mind box...

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We all know what happens next

In today’s Fiver: the circle of England life, KWS and a bumper set of letters...

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A premeditated act of wildly excessive ego-buffing

In today’s Fiver: substitutions, robot saviour AlanTim and a Watford fan...

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Germany’s captain and the Nazi effigy

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Refreshing apathy and blind confidence

In today’s Fiver: Newcastle United, Alan Pardew, and John Peel on obstruction...

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A roll-call of garden birds

In today’s Fiver: the drama is very much and most emphatically cessant...

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