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Poor, poor Stewart Downing

In today’s Fiver: burning effigies, the Iranian Messi and Pat Evra’s big balls...

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We wish you an evil Christmas, we wish you an evil Christmas

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The dirge rumbled to its conclusion

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Counting the diamonds around sinks in other people’s homes

In today’s Fiver: the Euro 2016 quarter-finals! Plus Sisqo and swimming...

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Disarming hair and a dangerous mind

In today’s Fiver: a horrible dream, Guus Hiddink’s parachute, and booze...

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Bouncing around aimlessly in a passable homage to the title sequence of The...

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The Portuguese kidder’s nose growing ever longer

In today’s Fiver: Transfers galore, the inside track on the Do One Express and those damn pesky rats … getting everywhere...

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A thoroughly mediocre conclusion to a similarly average tournament

In today’s Fiver: lacrimation, Big Sam and buses...

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A ripping yarn to end them all

In today’s Fiver: Rafa’s back! Plus in-game urination bother and a nails ref...

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'Without Cruyff, I have no team'

JOHAN CRUYFF (1947-2016)...

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Inventing trying hard and national pride

In today’s Fiver: champion lovers, dragons, Jogi Löw and more...

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A history of stratospheric balls-ups

Today: London’s most searching exploration of pipe dreams since Kevin Spacey starred in The Iceman Cometh at the Old Vic...

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All is as well as it can be in a world where you’ve just been hosed again

In today’s Fiver: GK Chesterton, Hereford FC and football stopped in Argentina...

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Liverpool confident of signing Mario Götze because of Klopp connection

• Götze’s career at Bayern Munich has stalled...

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They didn't get it right

In today’s Fiver: Arsenal, Sam Allardyce’s initiative, and £25m for Yannick Bolasie...

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More than Pochettino, Guardiola or Klopp can say this season?

In today’s Fiver: the Big Vase final, inevitable letters and tattoo-knack...

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THE INSIDE TRACK: Liverpool (Southampton Football Club Ltd)

(Source: Southampton Football Club Ltd) What has the arrival of Jürgen Klopp done for Liverpool? Jürgen Klopp has given Liverpool fans belief again. Although Brendan Rodgers had taken the team to the...

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Tearful Klopp: Dortmund exit so hard to deal with

The BVB boss has bowed out with a defeat in the DFB-Pokal final to Wolfsburg and he admits he is finding it hard to keep his emotions in check as he nears his departure Jurgen Klopp admits that...

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Rewarded with the prize of having no place in the Aston Villa squad

In today’s Fiver: the Stanifesto, Bobby M’s wad and The Shakers...

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Ecstatic-and-in-no-way-premature rap battles

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