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Counting the diamonds around sinks in other people’s homes

In today’s Fiver: the Euro 2016 quarter-finals! Plus Sisqo and swimming...

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Outdone by their own laundry ladies

In today’s Fiver: club media departments, mascot excuses, and much more...

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Small fry compared to Lord Ashcroft

Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm BST, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving...

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The Portuguese kidder’s nose growing ever longer

In today’s Fiver: Transfers galore, the inside track on the Do One Express and those damn pesky rats … getting everywhere...

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Inventing trying hard and national pride

In today’s Fiver: champion lovers, dragons, Jogi Löw and more...

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Something to cling to from the ashes of the remain campaign

In today’s Fiver: Dimitri Payet, Scottish fitba woe and more succinct reviews...

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A ripping yarn to end them all

In today’s Fiver: Rafa’s back! Plus in-game urination bother and a nails ref...

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Disarming hair and a dangerous mind

In today’s Fiver: a horrible dream, Guus Hiddink’s parachute, and booze...

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Bouncing around aimlessly in a passable homage to the title sequence of The...

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'Without Cruyff, I have no team'

JOHAN CRUYFF (1947-2016)...

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Forced to do actual work to shed any light on the mysterious 18-year-old

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Maniacal, catatonic, corporeal laughter

In today’s Fiver: the Queen’s Celtic, Phil Brown’s dream ticket, and more...

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In the mag: Klopp! Top-four exclusives! Football League Top 50! The hardest...

2 min ago Topics FourFourTwo, Jürgen Klopp, Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, Manchester United, Football League, AFC Bournemouth, Middlesbrough, Charlton Athletic, Watford, Leyton Orient, Nacer Chadli,...

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The multifarious talents of string theory

In today’s Fiver: Leicester in Bruges, Brendan Rodgers, and clairvoyant Trisha...

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Tearing up the furniture with garden shears

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Unfunny and relentless hoverboard-related torment

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Some spanking new independent republic presided over by DI Rebus

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Mr and Mrs Red Card

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Jordan Henderson’s knee injury tarnishes Liverpool’s draw in Dortmund

• Midfielder to have scan on potentially serious knee injury...

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Swashing their particular buckles once again

In today’s Fiver: Jürgen Klopp, Steven Gerrard, Alf the alien, Dave Bassett’s luxury carpet and more...

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